A little (but long) introduction...
I guess it would be appropriate as my first EVER blog post to be done as an introduction to who I am, what I am doing and why I am doing what I'm doing. Especially since this is the foundation and basis for my Body Positive Project group on Facebook. Firstly, my name is Gina Johnson, I am a SAHM of the wildest, craziest, most adorably fearless 18 month old I've ever known. I am also the wife of a wild, crazy, adorably fearless husband who works on the road the majority of the time, so I operate as the sole provider of said 18 month old about 5/7 days a week. I started my fitness journey just shy of a year ago and with the help of my very own accountability group I have been able to stick with it thanks to the support and relationships I've formed along the way. I was always one of those who gave up when it got hard, and even when I was "losing weight" I was only doing the bare minimum required, sticking to 20 minutes on the elliptical and 20 more minutes on the treadmill. I was "fit" before I got pregnant and still at a healthy weight after I had Bristol, but I wasn't happy. I wanted to get into shape for my wedding in October of 2013. So I joined a challenge group, and was scared S@*#less, but I figured I could just give it an honest try for those 3 months before the wedding and then be done with it. I would do at home workouts when my daughter was napping, and then take her for walks when she was awake. That was all I could do, I never had a sitter to be able to take her while I went to a class, or to the gym, so I made due with the resources I had. Over those 3 months I lost all my remaining baby weight and had my wedding dress altered to 6 sizes smaller than when I had initially ordered it in February of 2013! I was at my lowest weight/best shape ever when I got married, which I was proud of, but not happy about.
Most people would not have considered me to ever be overweight or even think I had body issues, but I always have. I would DESPISE summer time because all my friends would invite me to the beach and I wouldn't want to go, because that would mean I would have to wear a bathing suit. I have NEVER felt comfortable enough in my own skin (up until recently) to wear a bathing suit to the beach, without some sort of cover up. I always did it when I was younger because I didn't care, but over the last 5 years I've just been so scared of people passing judgment. Let's face it, if you're "skinny" people have something to say, and if you're not, they have something to say!! I never wanted to be subjected to the critics, so I just never went, or wore a tank top to cover up because of my insane amounts of insecurities. I have often self-diagnosed myself with Body Dysmorphic Disorder, and have sought after some psychological help. I was always reluctant to admit that I had issues, therefore the help was pointless. Even as I walked down the aisle about to marry the man of my dreams, I wasn't entirely happy with myself. After all the hard work I had put into ALLLLLLLL summer, I wasn't truly happy. This was when I realized that I had to work my "thinking muscle" and start strengthening my brain to see myself in a more positive light.
Over the past year I have struggled with finding balance in my life, and it has come with it's triumphs, trials, and tribulations. I've felt like I was on top of the world at times, and at the bottom of the barrel other times. But the most important part is even when I was at my lowest (weight and mind set) I never gave up. I've had to accept my own body for what it is, and what it has done and also accept me for who I am on the inside as well. I can't be 100% all the time and not expect to get burned out, which has been the hardest for me to realize. Rest days have been key, as well as finding a balance in my nutrition. I tried cutting out all the goodies, and found that I would binge more on the bad stuff and feel horrible about myself after rather than preparing for it and eating it in moderation and moving on. We all have our vices, and always will, but it is the way we face them that makes the difference. It wasn't until I was elbow deep in a box of peanut butter chocolate chip cookies that I realized that I needed the splurge every once in a while. I realized that 100% wasn't doing anything for me mentally, so that's when I adopted the 80/20 rule. Eating 80% clean, followed by a few splurges here and there making up the additional 20%. It was this balancing act that allowed me to steady my footing on my journey and maintain my sanity, and waistline.
After reaching my weight goals, and starting to see physical changes I took a look back and realized that I still wasn't happy with myself. This is when the mental fitness came into play. I tried and tried to not worry so much about what the scale says, and not let it define me. I ended up decorating my scale with inspirational messages and images just so I knew I would always like what the scale had to say. It told me I was "beautiful, strong, determined, etc." This exercise was the first of many that lead me to become more body-positive. I then started looking into reading books of substance, that I could relate to, and that most importantly encouraged me to be more positive about every aspect of life. Darren Hardy, Rhonda Byrne, Gretchen Rubin and John C. Maxwell have helped me overcome the negativity that I was creating for myself, as well as ignore the negativity I was getting from others who couldn't grasp why I wasn't happy. I will still say that I have my days where I'm happier with my progress than others, but I am trying to be confident in my abilities, my accomplishments and most of all my body so that my 18 month old will always have that positive influence in her life.
We all reach that point where our bodies change, and I just want my daughter to realize that changes are natural, and that no matter what she will ALWAYS be beautiful, and she can define her body, but her body should not define her. And also that being active is important in so many ways, whether she prefers to play on a team sport, dance in the rain, go for a hike, fish or hunt with Daddy, or workout with Mommy. I realized that if I want her to be confident and active, I must exemplify that as well and be that positive influence in her life. This is where I am at in my quest... being able to look in the mirror and not only see the reflection of my fitness results, but also being able to reflect on those results and realize I am SO much more than that reflection that once haunted me. In finding my own fitness I've realized I really am capable of whatever I set my mind to. I will reach my goals one step, one day, one positive thought at a time. I will stumble, I will fall and curse as I pick myself back up, I will lose my way and then find my bearings again, but I WILL get there, because I WILL NOT stop.
Most people would not have considered me to ever be overweight or even think I had body issues, but I always have. I would DESPISE summer time because all my friends would invite me to the beach and I wouldn't want to go, because that would mean I would have to wear a bathing suit. I have NEVER felt comfortable enough in my own skin (up until recently) to wear a bathing suit to the beach, without some sort of cover up. I always did it when I was younger because I didn't care, but over the last 5 years I've just been so scared of people passing judgment. Let's face it, if you're "skinny" people have something to say, and if you're not, they have something to say!! I never wanted to be subjected to the critics, so I just never went, or wore a tank top to cover up because of my insane amounts of insecurities. I have often self-diagnosed myself with Body Dysmorphic Disorder, and have sought after some psychological help. I was always reluctant to admit that I had issues, therefore the help was pointless. Even as I walked down the aisle about to marry the man of my dreams, I wasn't entirely happy with myself. After all the hard work I had put into ALLLLLLLL summer, I wasn't truly happy. This was when I realized that I had to work my "thinking muscle" and start strengthening my brain to see myself in a more positive light.
Over the past year I have struggled with finding balance in my life, and it has come with it's triumphs, trials, and tribulations. I've felt like I was on top of the world at times, and at the bottom of the barrel other times. But the most important part is even when I was at my lowest (weight and mind set) I never gave up. I've had to accept my own body for what it is, and what it has done and also accept me for who I am on the inside as well. I can't be 100% all the time and not expect to get burned out, which has been the hardest for me to realize. Rest days have been key, as well as finding a balance in my nutrition. I tried cutting out all the goodies, and found that I would binge more on the bad stuff and feel horrible about myself after rather than preparing for it and eating it in moderation and moving on. We all have our vices, and always will, but it is the way we face them that makes the difference. It wasn't until I was elbow deep in a box of peanut butter chocolate chip cookies that I realized that I needed the splurge every once in a while. I realized that 100% wasn't doing anything for me mentally, so that's when I adopted the 80/20 rule. Eating 80% clean, followed by a few splurges here and there making up the additional 20%. It was this balancing act that allowed me to steady my footing on my journey and maintain my sanity, and waistline.
After reaching my weight goals, and starting to see physical changes I took a look back and realized that I still wasn't happy with myself. This is when the mental fitness came into play. I tried and tried to not worry so much about what the scale says, and not let it define me. I ended up decorating my scale with inspirational messages and images just so I knew I would always like what the scale had to say. It told me I was "beautiful, strong, determined, etc." This exercise was the first of many that lead me to become more body-positive. I then started looking into reading books of substance, that I could relate to, and that most importantly encouraged me to be more positive about every aspect of life. Darren Hardy, Rhonda Byrne, Gretchen Rubin and John C. Maxwell have helped me overcome the negativity that I was creating for myself, as well as ignore the negativity I was getting from others who couldn't grasp why I wasn't happy. I will still say that I have my days where I'm happier with my progress than others, but I am trying to be confident in my abilities, my accomplishments and most of all my body so that my 18 month old will always have that positive influence in her life.
We all reach that point where our bodies change, and I just want my daughter to realize that changes are natural, and that no matter what she will ALWAYS be beautiful, and she can define her body, but her body should not define her. And also that being active is important in so many ways, whether she prefers to play on a team sport, dance in the rain, go for a hike, fish or hunt with Daddy, or workout with Mommy. I realized that if I want her to be confident and active, I must exemplify that as well and be that positive influence in her life. This is where I am at in my quest... being able to look in the mirror and not only see the reflection of my fitness results, but also being able to reflect on those results and realize I am SO much more than that reflection that once haunted me. In finding my own fitness I've realized I really am capable of whatever I set my mind to. I will reach my goals one step, one day, one positive thought at a time. I will stumble, I will fall and curse as I pick myself back up, I will lose my way and then find my bearings again, but I WILL get there, because I WILL NOT stop.
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