"What if I fall?"
I've been planning to post this for some time now, but just haven't A. found the time to sit and write it how I would like to, and B. wasn't really even sure how to go about writing it. So, as I look and see my daughter sleeping ever so peacefully on the couch, and having nothing imperative on my To Do list, I feel like now is the time. Especially because I need a good reminder about some life lessons.
A while ago, we took a family hike on a mountain trail that had a playground, and as Bristol, Brady, Annie and I were all playing on the swings, Brady and I got to talking about what playground games were popular when we were younger and what we participated in. One that we both remembered playing was one where you would pump your swing as hard as you could, and then jump! Whoever jumped further than everyone else was the winner. So Mr. Competitive took the flying leap off the swing, and then challenged me to jump to where he landed, which he so proudly marked in the wood chips. Mind you, my husband is 6'4", and one of his strides is at least 4 of mine, so not only did I have the height factor against me, but I was also scared. I haven't jumped off a swing in YEARS!! It seems simple and harmless enough, but automatically my cautious mind went straight to "what if I fall?" I didn't want to let the challenge go though. I've become pretty competitive in my old age ;) So Brady stood there watching me as I passed and rose higher and higher, every time my stomach's knots got tighter and tighter. "What if I fall," "but I can't NOT try," "He's going to know I can't do it!" These thoughts kept repeating in my mind. I looked over at Bristol in her swing and saw how effortlessly she was swinging and how happy the exhilaration made her. As a child, this wasn't ever scary, so why was it now?? Because LIFE makes you afraid. All of the challenges it throws at you, all of the hurt it can cause, all of the excitement it can bring, along with all of the responsibility... it changes you. I remember playing this game as a child and NEVER would I have ever been afraid to fall, and if I did, so what? But because of life, and my insecurities I've developed over the years, this fear is real. As irrational or rational as it may seem, it is still a fear. This is when I decided that even IF I fell, I was going to show Bristol that no matter what, you have to try. You can't be afraid of falling your whole life, because what if you don't fall, what if everything ends up alright?? You'd never know unless you took the leap! And this notion is so present in my life right now as I'm trying to get back to work and sometimes, okay allllll the time, feeling defeated and not good enough. I don't want her to ever NOT be confident in herself like I am. So, I did it. I pumped my little heart out, which wasn't hard because it was beating out of my chest anyway, braced myself, closed my eyes, pushed off, and let go of all my fears. For a brief moment in time, I was flying...
I opened my eyes as I was coming down, and looked in the direction of my feet, and of course saw how I measured up to my husband... They were right in line with each other. I did it!! It was a tie!! I was ecstatic. I don't think my husband really realized how much of an accomplishment this was. I had a little revelation on the swings that day, and as I'm sitting here upset about another "no" to a position, I needed to be reminded of the feeling of accomplishment, of how it felt to take a flying leap! You'll never know how far you can go unless you keep jumping. What if you fall? You learn what to do (or not to do) for the next time. And you also learn to appreciate that brief moment in time when you're worries are suspended in midair, your stomach has that "floaty" feeling, the wind is blowing through your hair, and you're flying!!!
Now, they say humans can't fly... Physically speaking, it isn't possible, but mentally, it is! You can't fly all you want, but you just have to take that leap and find what makes you feel like you're defying all odds, even gravity!
It is this lesson I need to be reminded of today, to be free, careless, and know that no matter what odds are against me, they'll only keep winning if I don't take the chance to change the odds. I can't possibly know how far I'll go in life, or what this life even has in store for me if I don't keep taking chances and getting that "floaty," excited feeling about something and take the leap! The same goes for every single one of you out there. Take chances, you only have a limited amount of outcomes, you can fall, or fly... but you'll never know if you don't take the leap!
A while ago, we took a family hike on a mountain trail that had a playground, and as Bristol, Brady, Annie and I were all playing on the swings, Brady and I got to talking about what playground games were popular when we were younger and what we participated in. One that we both remembered playing was one where you would pump your swing as hard as you could, and then jump! Whoever jumped further than everyone else was the winner. So Mr. Competitive took the flying leap off the swing, and then challenged me to jump to where he landed, which he so proudly marked in the wood chips. Mind you, my husband is 6'4", and one of his strides is at least 4 of mine, so not only did I have the height factor against me, but I was also scared. I haven't jumped off a swing in YEARS!! It seems simple and harmless enough, but automatically my cautious mind went straight to "what if I fall?" I didn't want to let the challenge go though. I've become pretty competitive in my old age ;) So Brady stood there watching me as I passed and rose higher and higher, every time my stomach's knots got tighter and tighter. "What if I fall," "but I can't NOT try," "He's going to know I can't do it!" These thoughts kept repeating in my mind. I looked over at Bristol in her swing and saw how effortlessly she was swinging and how happy the exhilaration made her. As a child, this wasn't ever scary, so why was it now?? Because LIFE makes you afraid. All of the challenges it throws at you, all of the hurt it can cause, all of the excitement it can bring, along with all of the responsibility... it changes you. I remember playing this game as a child and NEVER would I have ever been afraid to fall, and if I did, so what? But because of life, and my insecurities I've developed over the years, this fear is real. As irrational or rational as it may seem, it is still a fear. This is when I decided that even IF I fell, I was going to show Bristol that no matter what, you have to try. You can't be afraid of falling your whole life, because what if you don't fall, what if everything ends up alright?? You'd never know unless you took the leap! And this notion is so present in my life right now as I'm trying to get back to work and sometimes, okay allllll the time, feeling defeated and not good enough. I don't want her to ever NOT be confident in herself like I am. So, I did it. I pumped my little heart out, which wasn't hard because it was beating out of my chest anyway, braced myself, closed my eyes, pushed off, and let go of all my fears. For a brief moment in time, I was flying...
I opened my eyes as I was coming down, and looked in the direction of my feet, and of course saw how I measured up to my husband... They were right in line with each other. I did it!! It was a tie!! I was ecstatic. I don't think my husband really realized how much of an accomplishment this was. I had a little revelation on the swings that day, and as I'm sitting here upset about another "no" to a position, I needed to be reminded of the feeling of accomplishment, of how it felt to take a flying leap! You'll never know how far you can go unless you keep jumping. What if you fall? You learn what to do (or not to do) for the next time. And you also learn to appreciate that brief moment in time when you're worries are suspended in midair, your stomach has that "floaty" feeling, the wind is blowing through your hair, and you're flying!!!
 |
| Brady's is the longer mark, mine is the smaller one |
Now, they say humans can't fly... Physically speaking, it isn't possible, but mentally, it is! You can't fly all you want, but you just have to take that leap and find what makes you feel like you're defying all odds, even gravity!
It is this lesson I need to be reminded of today, to be free, careless, and know that no matter what odds are against me, they'll only keep winning if I don't take the chance to change the odds. I can't possibly know how far I'll go in life, or what this life even has in store for me if I don't keep taking chances and getting that "floaty," excited feeling about something and take the leap! The same goes for every single one of you out there. Take chances, you only have a limited amount of outcomes, you can fall, or fly... but you'll never know if you don't take the leap!
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